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Denial

01 Sep

Happy Fall and welcome to September!

The past few months of relative quietness here have been a period of thinking for me. I’ve asked myself, why do I do this–write, especially poetry? Why do I post it here? Do I want to keep doing this?

This June before holidays I lived under a cloud of particularly thick ennui. Maybe I should just stop writing altogether… but what would I do? 

It has been good for me to ponder these questions.

In the beginning of August, after a great holiday (and a writing break) I felt revived but continued to wrestle with, what do I do in the fall with the poetry blog?

As a Christian, perhaps it was to be expected that I would need to get as close as possible to the bone in quizzing myself. The question that finally floated into my mind to help me sort through this is from the Shorter Westminster Catechism:

Q: What is the chief end of man?

A: Man’s chief end is to glorify God and to enjoy Him forever.

In applying that Q&A to my situation I asked, would I be glorifying God if I stopped writing, that is, using the talent and expanding the skill and interest in words that is part of who I am?

Does it please Him when I squirrel away my writing in binders on the shelf? Do any of us have insights and realizations just for ourselves? Or are they given to bless and help others along the way? (Not that I ever feel that everything one writes needs to be shared!)

How can I better glorify Him with what I do?

Can I do that here?

How would it look?

I have decided as a result of introspection and prayer to be more open and candid about my faith in the poems I post here. In other words, in the days ahead you’ll find more poems that reflect my spiritual pilgrimage and beliefs. Of course I’ll also still write about nature and other topics that catch my fancy.

Enough philosophizing! It’s time for a poem. This is one I found in my binder, written a number of years ago.

Crow

Crow – Photo © 2015 by V. Nesdoly

Denial

Me: This lamp will be perfect for the table where my husband studies.
Clerk: What does he study?
Me: Uh, uh, …oh stuff.

He studies the Bible.
I know that.
It’s really the only thing he studies.
But did I say it?

No.

Automatically I veer toward cowardice.
My default setting: Be private about your faith
After all you don’t want to appear
odd, different or, heaven forbid,
be expected to explain!

On my way through the park
crows call triplet caws
and I hang my head
embarrassed, ashamed
robbed of excuses.

I will go
into my closet
and weep.

© 2015 by Violet Nesdoly

************

Added September 3rd: My Poetry Friday friend Margaret Simon invited me to join in on “Spiritual Journey Thursday” hosted by Holly Mueller at her blog Reading, Teaching, Learning where this week’s theme is “paying attention.” Thank you, ladies! I hope you teachers don’t mind being joined by an ex- who has been away from the classroom lo these many years, but who is still trying to pay attention to what God is teaching her.

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10 Comments

Posted by on September 1, 2015 in Religious

 

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10 responses to “Denial

  1. Kimberley Payne

    September 1, 2015 at 8:33 am

    I, for one, am glad that you have decided to continue to share your poetry with us. It is beautiful and stops me long enough to read and reflect. God is glorified. Keep on, my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

     
    • Violet Nesdoly

      September 1, 2015 at 10:22 am

      Thank you so much, Kim! I so appreciate you reading and comments. Bless you!

      Like

       
  2. margaretsmn

    September 1, 2015 at 2:31 pm

    Violet,
    My cyber-friend, Holly Mueller started a Spiritual Thursday link up on her blog. That is the day I take the time to reflect on my spiritual journey and let it all show. Please consider joining us. http://hollymueller.blogspot.com/
    I’m going to try to remember to tweet you on Thursday.

    I am so glad you have made the decision to keep writing and sharing. As I read your post, I was praying that would be the answer. Blessings.

    Like

     
    • Violet Nesdoly

      September 1, 2015 at 4:22 pm

      Why thank you, Margaret! You are so kind. I have often read your Spiritual Thursday posts (and enjoyed them a lot). Many thanks for the invite to play along on Thursdays. I might take you up on that. I will probably put these up on Tuesdays, but would it be ok to link them to the Spiritual Thursday meme two days later?

      Liked by 1 person

       
  3. cvarsalona

    September 2, 2015 at 4:07 pm

    Violet, I was thinking the same thing that Margaret thought about you joining our Spiritual Journey Thursday group. This post may be just what the Paying Attention theme needs.

    Like

     
    • Violet Nesdoly

      September 2, 2015 at 5:34 pm

      Why, thank you, Carol! You’re such an encourager.

      Like

       
    • cvarsalona

      September 3, 2015 at 3:51 pm

      Violet, I am delighted that you joined our Spiritual Journey Thursday group. I love the fact that you will share your spiritual pilgrimage with us. Such a wonderful term for your journey in faith.

      Like

       
  4. MaryHill

    September 3, 2015 at 9:16 am

    Wow, I know how you feel. This hit close to home. Why do we blog? What is our purpose? Great questions to consider.

    Like

     
  5. Holly Mueller

    September 4, 2015 at 4:01 am

    Violet,
    I’m SO glad you decided to go forward with your poetry and to link up the Spiritual Journey Thursday community. Your post and poem hit home on many levels. I find myself getting discouraged sometimes, too – in my writing, my purpose, and my faith. Those are the testing times. The fact that you decided to boldly state your faith AND your times of wavering is what keeps you real. Welcome, and I hope you keep writing, posting, and linking your thoughts on life and faith!

    Like

     
    • Violet Nesdoly

      September 4, 2015 at 5:49 am

      Why thank you for the welcome, Holly, and for hosting this discussion every week. It’s a great idea!

      Like

       

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