Alone now I am
bullied, bruised, battered
crushed, crying, closed for love.
Don’t look at me.
Facebook friends are fiends.
Go away so I can
hurt myself. I hate myself—
I am an idiot, there is no
justice for me just
more menacing messages.
one, only one
quake my life
shove me into this shower of shame
threats, teasing, telling me I’m
ugly, useless. I’ve never been
what, when, how can I, they call whore
xpose and xterminate this hell I’m in? And
you said, “Why are you still here, you
zit on the face of the earth?”
© 2013 V. Nesdoly
I wrote this poem as a reflection on the too many bullying stories that have come out lately. The special appearance of Carol Todd, Amanda Todd’s mom, at the book launch of one of our poetry society members was the immediate occasion. I was planning to read the poem during the open mic portion of that program but then decided against it. This is, after all, second-hand. I’ve never been bullied like that so don’t really know how it feels and can only imagine.
What breaks my heart most about many of these stories is finding out that after these kids have called out for help (told teachers or parents about the bullying, attempted suicide, shown destructive behaviour) the bullying escalates in an almost animal-inspired way. It reminds me of when I was a kid and we got baby chicks. As those chicks grew, they tended to pick on the weaker, smaller ones, physically pecking at them till they drew blood. Daddy would put a special light bulb in the chick barn so that the red wouldn’t be visible and perhaps they would stop.